How many times have you heard these words and known you should answer on the affirmative but just wont.

I don’t know about you – but to me it is many times.

I am one of “those people”.

Which people you might ask?

You know, the kind that think they got this world figured out and therefore don’t need help. The kind that think accepting help is weakness. Yes I am one of “those people”.

And I am ashamed of myself.

Reading Broadside’s post on help got me thinking about the four letter word.

Why doesn’t it easily occur to me ask for it?

There is this belief about middle children and independence. They have to work extra hard than their older siblings to prove their strength and somehow still want to display their fragility so has to receive the extra attention given to the younger ones. Somehow they get lost in this confusion and end up having to figure out life as they go – most of the time solo. They develop their “survival” skills earlier than the rest. They know that somehow they have to. 

I am a middle child, I should know.

And yes I am trying to justify why I don’t ask for help. 

 I am not sure if I am shy person or not. I think I’m not – some people think I am extremely shy therefore afraid of approaching someone for help. I don’t dwell on it that much.

We say that in life there are takers and givers. I am more of a giver than a taker.

Let me say that the first time I had someone take care of my needs felt good at first, then the guilt took over and I was back to my old self. I had to be the one taking control.

I feel at home when:

  • I am able to dish out advice to someone. 
  • or lend an helping hand to a friend.
  • or even an ear to a troubled person in need of a listener.

Someone might argue that maybe I do that to shift attention away from me – well, it works doesn’t it? 

For now all I can say is the phrase CAN I HELP YOU? is among my least favorite. 

Yes it is always said mostly at the right time but like I said I am one of “those people” who will answer NO…..

……and struggle some more.



Thank you for stopping by.

Call me B….



11 thoughts on “…CAN i HELP YOU?….

  1. Thanks for the link!

    It gets easier to ask…

    I was very, very different when I first needed surgery — in January 2000. I was really angry at being so weak and needy and I had (surprise) a long, painful and difficult (but full) recovery of the use of my right knee. (Being an only child meant I had no family to call on anyway.)

    The second, left knee, surgery was barely 11 months later and my beau (now my husband) was rubbing my back soothingly right up to the OR door. I didn’t need so much as an aspirin after that operation. I’ve seen firsthand what it does to your ability to recover from all sorts of bad things to have some loving hands at your side (or back.) Try it! 🙂

    • …THANK YOU for the post inspiration.

      Glad to know you have someone to hold your hand on your road to recovery.

      To me it is letting someone else know that I am fragile that keeps me off, but like you suggested all I need is to TRY. Thank you for the advice and be assured there will be a follow up on how it all goes….

  2. I know what you mean. I don’t feel comfortable asking for help because I learned early on the downside to depending on others. There’s a fine line between asking for help and getting it graciously, and imposing. I fear the latter and being told I’m a nuisance or something. So I’d rather fend for myself as long as I can.

    • …THANKS Monica for stopping.

      It’s comforting to know I am not the only one who has that kind of “fear” as irrational as it may seem to many. Close pals say it is a weakness but as suggested to me by Broadside, maybe we should just try. The worst that can happen is knowing if it works for us or not….

  3. “Let me say that the first time I had someone take care of my needs felt good at first, then the guilt took over and I was back to my old self.” You crack me up every time Barbz!lol

    • …Thanks tkimani for taking your time to read this piece.

      I am glad that I can make you happy and will try to keep you “locked” – hehehehehe.

      Is it easy for you to ask for help and if YES, HOW DO YOU DO IT??? I have tried so many tricks but it’s like my system has this “firewall’ that keeps popping up everytime I even think about it, however I am determined to up my skills round it – one day at a time….

      • I can relate to what you’re saying. It’s never easy for me to ask for anyone’s help. Some call it pride, others think its being stubborn. but in my opinion, asking for someone’s help makes me rather vulnerable to them. Though fact is, no one can live in isolation, hence it is imminent that we have to ask for help from people around us. Especially those closest to us. I just try not to keep it at the bare minimum!

    • … I can relate to that tkimani, I guess we can all safely say that it is not easy asking for help.

      I don’t know whether society is to blame or it’s just a “human being’ thing, but am sure there are people out there who don’t get all sweaty and shaky when it comes to reaching out for help.

      These are the kind of people I suggest we should politely abduct and put them in a lab for study – NO we won’t harm them.
      We will explain our mission and make it clear that by obliging they are becoming a very important part of history to mankind.

      ##doesn’t get more EPIC than that## DOES IT???….

  4. lol! Neat plan. It’s only fair that we find out the truth. For our good, AND THE GOOD OF ALL MANKIND!(see how I stealthily raised my voice there towards the end in a super-hero-movie-ending fashion?)hehehe

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