……..I am no longer tryin’ to survive
I believe that life is a prize
But to live doesn’t mean you’re alive
In this very moment I’m king
In this very moment I slayed Goliath with a sling
This very moment I bring
Put it on everything, that I will retire with the ring
And I will retire with the crown, yes
No, I’m not lucky I’m blessed, yes
Clap for the heavyweight champ, me
But I couldn’t do it all alone, we…….
- NICKI MINAJ – MOMENT 4 LIFE
2011 has had its share of both good and bad romance with me. We started off on a very low tone. We were suspicious of each other. But we slowly grew into each other’s lives – warmed up to each other’s hearts. We had our silent prayers that we don’t dissapoint each other. Slowly took each other’s hands and started walking the tightrope together – trusting that we had each other’s back.
And in the spirit of good faith, 2011 handed me a “lover” as a gesture of goodwill. Told me that it is about time I trusted someone else with my heart – AGAIN!.
Here is the thing about an almost “stranger” handing you something and telling you it is free. IT NEVER IS. The strings attached – don’t get me started.
Sweet words will be used to reel you in – seduce your mind, capture your soul. Terms and conditions will be whispered in passing; terms and conditions are never the first things they tell you. You only find out about EVERYTHING ELSE when the excitement has worn off and you are “settled” with your gift. That is when you are handed over the maintenance bill. The promise ring. The operating manual with countless warning of how ignoring it will alter your life forever.
NOTE – a gift shouldn’t come with so much responsibility unless it is a car – which really is okay.
So back to my gift from 2011. We were good from the begining – there was no way we were going to dissapoint our friend. We smiled into each other’s eyes, called each others names like sugar pie and honey bear, we complemented each other’s achievements and encouraged each other whenever one went on a low. The phone calls were constant. The sms’es and emails sweet. The future plans big but easy to accomplish. We was good at this. 2011 was proud of us. Gave us time to know each other and then some more.
Then came the bills. The expenses.
I had been tricked. I was not told that I need so much “electricity” to keep the fire burning. No one warned me I needed so much water to keep the juices flowing. What about the visual aid needed incase help was needed.
THIS was supposed to be simple.
Now it had turned into complex.
I was NOT ready for this. Not when I had been brought into THIS under false pretenses. I had a case here but life had to go on. And besides who had the time to recount how stupid she has been? I had to swallow my pride and let my gift go. It was painful doing so – six months is a long time to let go. But the deed had to be done and I did it(don’t judge this sentence).
I was drained.
2011 had robbed me off a lot of time. Put a gift on my hand it knew I couldn’t handle. Teased me to a point of believing I was ready when it knew I wasn’t. How cruel we can be with each other.
So I did what daddy taught me; dusted myself off . I couldnt do the second part though; try again. Nah. I had had enough fun. It was time for something else. All was not lost as long as I could use what I had left for myself.
I whipped out and my planner and started on my resolutions – I was six months late with a “broken” heart. That was no excuse. It was all a making of my own – wallowing in self pity wouldn’t earn me any points.
So one by one I started on my journey of 2011. Ticking items off my list as I went on. Letting it be known I was BACK. The big ones and small ones were being tackled – taken care of.
I couldn’t tick everthing off but knowing I tried is what makes me proud. I was now alive again not just living and trying to survive.
2012 here I come whether I am ready or not. Be gentle with me enough to lend me a helping hand but tough to let be know pity parties are so not your thing. 2012 if you decide to trick me like your predecessor kindly not that you may have to leave before me and I will have the pleasure of recovering. 2012 I bid farewell to your kin not with a smirk on my face. I welcome you and hope to work hand in hand with you.
I guess I am ready even if I dont know it. CHEERS TO THE NEW YEAR…