heartbreak central

I have NEVER been heartbroken in my life; now we know that’s a lie cus everyone has gone through this phase at one time in their life or another. Even if it’s from your dog taking a stroll and never coming back and you spend days wondering what happened to it. SHOCK on you when three weeks later you spot it mating with some random bitch(female dog of course!!!). Or that time when you discover that father Christmas is not real but just some guy in a suit and fake white beard. hehehe.

Okay fine!!!! so I have had my heart-broken before; in fact so many times am sure I have lost count. It’s not like I have had so many relationships – like am gonna be honest about that one. hehehehhe. Anyhu – my first memorable heartbreak was when I was 19 years old. fresh out of high school with just a few weeks experience post school.

We had this hot neighbour dude who had the whole pack – am talking six-pack here dude eish!!! I mean y’all should have met him. He had a body that belonged to playgirl centre spread. I know all this because as much as I never saw him naked he was always in tight-fitting clothes. You know the kind that male models love – mmmhh those ones. And boy he had what we call an American height – what was up with that btw??? – SMH. Now we all know every one is allowed some kinda flaw and “my guy” had one which was never his fault, because am sure he must have tried to do something when he reached “that age” and his Adam’s apple just couldn’t co-operate with the rest of his body. He had a very soft voice – okay girlish like. But that was well covered with his other perfections.

I knew his brothers and sisters but always had this dumb-dumb moment whenever he showed up. I could always get an excuse to leave. Am not sure if he ever noticed but he always had this smirk almost half smile when I looked at him. Like he was trying to say that “I know what effect I have on you and am enjoying every moment of it”. Time passed and with time he must have gotten over himself because he approached me. YES HE DID!!! and did the all “where r you going to? and can I walk you there if you don’t mind?”, plus he also did the “can we meet somewhere outside this hood some day and maybe have a drink?”.

Am sure an angel must shed a tear for me that day. My dream was turning to reality – prince charming had finally used his ahem charms to get over himself. You should have seen me after that, I was like a child who had just been told about a trip to Disneyland. I went home and ironed my white trouser and a red tank top(tank tops were the in thing then). Never mind that the said date was to be around four days from then. I sprayed some perfume on them and stored them in a polythene bag. I was not going to leave anything to chance.

I saw him several times after that,of course in the company of our siblings but he didn’t make me nervous anymore I now knew that he was human. And a prince, and my possible husband, what!!! I thought about that too – with some two mini – me’s to complete the package.

Date day and I woke up very early, cleaned the house like I just didn’t want anything to go wrong. It had to be perfect right from the morning, that way come sunset and we would be smiling in each other’s arms. I knew where I had to be and at what time. He was going to wait for me since I did not have a phone so everything had  to be planned. Yes this day had to be perfect. FASTFORWARD and it was afternoon already, we had unexpected visitors – my cousins. I had not seen them for around eight years and it was like we were eleven once again. We spent the rest of the afternoon catching up over ice creams and samosas. I forgot about “my date”, nothing else mattered here. We talked over everything and since we were agemates we had lots to talk about.

Eight O’clock and my cousins had to go home. My aunt had come to pick them up. It had been a perfect day just like I had wanted it to be. I cleaned up the house then showered and couldn’t wait to hit my bed. That is when I saw my date clothes in their “package”!!! I had forgotten all about it. Was he still there waiting for me? Had he come to our doorstep and heard all the giggling and left? Did he think I had led him without ever intending to really further that “bond”.

I had failed in a simple task of showing up for a date, I mean someone help me spell FAILURE here. How was I ever going to explain? I tossed more that turn that night. I just couldn’t get over it. The next day I went to church and trust me I did pray for God to give me a perfect excuse. Am not sure if  He ever did but I couldn’t think of anything. Went back home and met him at the gate seated with his siblings. He said hi like we had talked in the morning.

I wanted to pull him aside and explain to him what had happened but I couldn’t. He just carried on like nothing was wrong. We went on with our routine of listening to music in the afternoons and playing cards. Next day and weeks to follow we went on with our routine. I hoped that he would come seeking for an explanation but he didn’t. Can you believe that?? he didn’t talk about it, never brought it up in passing.

NEVER EVER!!

Then one day coming from my evening computer classes, I met him with this gal. She was beautiful not like me – but still beautiful. He introduced her as his girlfriend. I had never seen him with a girl before and now he was introducing me to his girlfriend!!! Some people can be so heartless. I had not shown up for a single date and now he went and got himself a girl????

I was hurt, destroyed, I felt betrayed. I cried that night in the shower. I did not take dinner. Even water which is usually tasteless tasted more tasteless that night. Nothing was worth anything anymore. Next day morning and days to follow this scenario repeated itself. I was hurting – my heart had been broken. I did not want to live anymore.

I know we were never officially a couple with my guy but it had felt like that. I mean we had spent our free times in each others companies even if our siblings were always present. It always felt like we were together and had a silent understanding. At times I don’t get why it hurt me so much but at others I do. He was the first guy I ever had a crush on. He was my first heartbreak – and if you ever read this I hope you will one day explain to me why you never asked why I didn’t show up. Maybe you didn’t even show up yourself come to think of it!!! NKT!!!!

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2 thoughts on “heartbreak central

  1. Wah! That must have been tough. I remember seeing a lorry driver once… He’d come to get maize or something from our neighbor’s and I fell in love with him. I wished he’d talk to me. He was so hot!

    He dint even notice me. When the lorry went, I shed a tear. Can u imagine? Stupid me shed a tear for a guy I’d never met before, a guy who dint even know that i existed.

    Right now I’m even tempted to think that he wasn’t that hot.

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